Life was fine, life was good. A nice house, a successful well-paid career, a loving family, healthy enough to be training for a marathon, good friends, nice trips. Something felt wrong through, I felt heavy, I felt apathetic, I felt low. Key questions began to loom larger - "am I happy?", "what are my passions and strengths?", "what is my purpose?", "am I really healthy?", "is this what life should be?". The need to confront these questions became urgent. A year on, having reset my health, having discovered and pursued my true self and passions and having started off in a new, daunting, exciting direction - life feels limitless, everyday is a joy and I want to share with you my story and how it could help you.
I had spent my life trying to achieve, trying to climb, trying to compete with all around me. I was pretty good at it. I achieved continued growth and promotions at work, I acquired many material things that reflected 'success', I wasn't so un-healthy, I could run a good distance in a not bad time. Many friends, family and people in my network looked on at me as happy, successful, as doing alright - and I was, but I knew there must be more.
As I grew up (FYI - a mans brains does not stop developing till they are 30!) and grew into myself and as I began to try and sit comfortably within myself - I increasingly felt as though something wasn't right. My growth mindset and my continual desire to achieve and seek for 'more' took me to places I didn't necessarily feel at home. Did I really love my job if I had periods of apathy and low motivation that were getting longer and deeper? Was money, a bigger house, a better car, fancier trips really the rewards for a life well lived? Did consuming alcohol and poor (but delicious) foods to excess at times really set me up for a longer, healthier, happier life? My mood became unavoidable and I couldn't drift on any longer.
I sat with my partner and emotion flowed out. I didn't cry, but words and thoughts poured out of me as I expressed the true extent of how I was feeling and the determination to tackle these questions once and for all. Suddenly, even just airing my thoughts and my desire to confront my life and way of being lifted a weight from my whole body and soul. I felt lighter, it all felt quite amusing, it felt a little bit exciting. There was work to do though. The way I had been living and feeling (for years!) had taken a toll. My energy levels were low, my focus and clarity of mind was inconsistent - I would need all restored to confront and grip this next journey with both hands. As I sit here many months on and having achieved a 180 degree shift in my mindset and direction (all for the better) - I can offer 3 key learnings from my journey to date;
- Review your 'Total' Health & Wellness - previously I would have rated healthy as anyone who looked slim enough in their clothes and anyone who could do a moderate amount of exercise. Immersing myself in books and podcasts, I re-educated myself about what it truly means to be healthy and 'well'. The ecosystem of sleep, physical activity, proper nutrition, mindfulness and spirit became a clear path to the optimal energy and platform required for me to perform the next steps in my journey. Becoming properly healthy and well feels daunting and huge but like any goal, the smallest steps are the best and one positive step can compound into many more after.
- Discover your true-self - What are your passions? What are your strengths? What is your purpose and mission? Who are you and why? What is your story? The thought of delving into these questions typically promote either a swift, unconscious attempt at a surface answer that we have constructed or complete avoidance and dismissing the idea altogether. This is completely natural and typical and is the result of years of experience of having created barrier upon barrier around our true self (imagine it resting quietly somewhere inside you) since childhood. Each barrier representing another 'layer' of a person that isn't truly us, but an 'us' that has been necessary to navigate our life to date. That version of ourselves may be pretty good, we may like them though it isn't truly us and we can feel there is 'more' to us. Trying to dig beneath these barriers can be far simpler and less traumatic than you think and it is essential to discover the direction you truly want to point in life.
- Get started - the process of truly discovering our true-self can be a lifelong one, but greater clarity and key insights can be found quickly. Once found - act upon them. A lack of belief and fear will try and hold you back. This fear, again a form of internal defence, will try and hold you back and pull you back. A voice inside may say "someone has already done that", "you couldn't do that", "that will be hard", "maybe next year", "once you have sorted x, then maybe...", "where would you start?". You can listen to these voices and stay exactly where you are, or you can fuck them off one by one. It isn't easy but it's simple. It requires courage, something we all have but that may just require a dusting off. To get started, you just take the first and smallest step possible. Don't get lost in grand plans and visions and a list required for perfection, these will trigger procrastination and delay and are another creation of our internal defence friend (the ego). Just start. Once you do, you will never look back.
The most recent year of my life has by far been the most disruptive but undoubtedly the most exciting and for the first time in my life I enjoy each and every day and whilst I live and focus on the 'now', my excitement for a longer, happier, healthier and more fulfilled future is limitless. It would be a pleasure to help you on your journey...