Change, growth, personal & self-improvement is possible for everyone and for some this pursuit forms an essential underpinning of a purpose driven, fulfilling life. For many others the desire to change for the better, the belief in our ability to grow as people and the pursuit of continuous self-improvement fades away over time. People become fixed or stuck in their identity and reality, unwilling or unable to find a way forwards or out. Is improving for the better really possible for all and how best can we awaken and access our dormant inner potential to create a better life? Through courageously confronting our reality, seeking and facing our fears and recognising the clock of life is constantly ticking we can see that growth and change is not about abandoning who we are now, it is about becoming even more of who we were always meant to be.
Let’s not delve into the minefield of the ‘meaning of life’, let’s simply agree that the purpose and meaning of life can be unique and personal to us all. Whatever our ‘meaning of life’ though – I would wager it is probably more easily lived and achieved through us being the best version of ourselves, instead of that scruffy co-pilot we sometimes carry around with us. Becoming and being the best version of ourselves requires effort and attention – not just to choose to be the person we know we can be today, but also to learn and grow new and better ways of being for next time. By definition this means accepting we want to move on from where we are today through change, growth or improvement. We may want to change or grow ourselves physically, emotionally, mentally, behaviourally – improvement comes in many shapes and sizes, again unique to us all and our personal sense of meaning or direction.
For some – I am describing an obvious reality of their current life and journey, a continuous desire to live their best life today and in the future with constant growth baked in. For many more, the belief that a better life can be reached or that key characteristics of themselves can be changed or improved upon seems impossible, exhausting and even a bit offensive. ‘Why should I change?’, ‘nobody should try to change me’, ‘I am who I am’, ‘I have everything I want and need’, ‘I have done more than…’, ‘people like me cannot achieve certain things’. These beliefs stem from fear and are often the result of a necessity to protect themselves through life to date. They often creep in most strongly during the latter stages of childhood or early stages of adulthood – a time when many believe we are formed for good, fully baked and ready to live the rest of our lives. Whether a person has a Fixed or a Growth Mindset can be a big predictor of the success, happiness and fulfilment of their life. Spoiler Alert – we are all on a scale between Fixed & Growth Mindset and we can move up or down this scale depending on our beliefs, choices and actions.
So if change, growth and improvement really is possible for all then how do we take those first steps? The first step is identifying where you are today on this scale and what shows up for you most. Do you avoid challenges, receive feedback or criticism poorly, feel threatened by others success, feel a strong need to prove yourself, and believe that your talent or prospects are static? If yes then chances are you are more at the end of a fixed mindset. This doesn’t mean stop reading – it just means you need to accept this as a present reality and believe that more of a Growth Mindset is available for all. Through a Growth Mindset you can begin to view your challenges as opportunities, feedback as a gift, step out of your comfort zone one small step at a time and believe that an even better future is in your hands.
This can all sound very tough and theoretical but once you begin this journey of self-discovery, subsequent steps can feel strangely obvious and simple, one choice or action feeds into the next and benefits arrive sooner and larger than you expect. From my own journey of self-discover I can offer 3 key points to help you on yours;
- Courageously confront your reality – We can all be our harshest critic and also our most generous friend. Neither is helpful. Whether we fill our self with negative self-story or excessively excuse or play down our poor choices or actions, we are holding ourselves back. The only way to truly thrust ourselves forwards is to objectively and honestly confront our reality. This takes courage, it takes insight from others, it takes resilience to request feedback and absorb what comes back, it takes time to sit with yourself and listen. Only from a place of knowing where you are vs where you want to be can the journey really begin.
- Fear is a good sign – as Humans fear has helped us evolve and stay alive though it is defensive in nature and its purpose is to sustain our status quo, not to assist us in reaching new possibilities. If we want to change, grow and improve we must embrace fear and learn to overcome it as it will be around the best corners. When we feel less fear, we are probably back in our zone of comfort keeping ourselves exactly where we have always been. If that is where you want to be and where you are happy – great, but for anyone wishing to grow and change their realities for the better then fear is a sign you are searching in the right places. Learning to conquer your fears with small but bold steps, one at a time can make you comfortable being uncomfortable quicker than you might imagine and you can begin to target and smash through those fears rather than avoid them.
- Time isn’t slowing down for anyone – one of my core drives has always been the fear of reaching later life and looking back with regret. "Coulda, woulda, shoulda". As a keen sportsman – I want to ‘leave everything on the pitch’. Whatever your personal drives and motivators for wanting to access and be your best self – know that time is slipping by day by day. By the time you have read this blog you’re closer to the end than when you started it. This isn’t intended to frighten you, it is meant to inspire you. Stop promising yourself to start on Monday, or next month, or in the new year. Don’t be that person that says “when I’m [insert irrelevant moment in time], I will [insert innate desire]”. As the old proverb says, “the best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago. The second-best time is now”.
Get started on your journey of growth, change for the better now. That doesn’t mean abandoning your current self, it means discovering and becoming more of your authentic true self. It doesn’t mean confront and pursue it all at once, it means starting small and with intention and letting the journey flow from there. Good luck and I would be happy to chat if you want some help to get you going.